Paganism and Profound Experiences

March 19 2009:

I've been meaning to respond to this as well but thought I'd put a couple of days thought into it. ^^ (From a forum on Gaia I frequent)

Studying Paganism in general and some things specifically has led to a profound change in my life. Since I was 16 I've been reading and researching and practising with a dedicated mentor who's now an equal and a sister of my heart. I've been blessed that way and I'm forever grateful to have her guiding me and to be my friend. Through the study of Paganism's different Paths I've become a lot more open minded and also able to solidify my beliefs. Like Neko Wyndy Wytch (whom I still remember as Charity Solei! ^^) I've learned so much through practise vs. reading it's not even funny. My experiences have coloured my understanding, and built that understanding, far more than reading a book has ever done. The most profound changes have come recently thanks to, of all things, university courses in Anishnabe (that's Native American) beliefs and practises. There have been several key ideas that I've added to my own and some things that I've always just felt/known that have been given a name. I've been forced to face some huge challenges in the past year and sometimes it felt like the only thing that I could rely on was my faith. Trusting in your Self is hard to do when you dont' know who or what that is. Paganism and witchcraft, and now the Anishnabe ways, has helped me to know and to be strong when I needed to be.

When I was faced with the difficult choice between two men I loved it was, partly, my faith that held me to Ryan. I had made promises before friends and family and the Gods to be his and his only and to break a vow of that magnitude would have been a betrayal of self. Marriage is the ultimate commitment and I had made those vows to last forever. To not follow my heart and keep Dan in my life that way was also a betrayal of another belief but it was the lesser of two evils.

A year ago I was pregnant and waiting for my abortion. At the time I was not eating, depressed and scared shitless about the whole thing; being pregnant, the procedure, people finding out whom I didn't want to find out (some did, some didn't), but thankfully Amanda stepped in with the Pagan Book of Living and Dying, as did my former student. In that book were passages of comfort for grieving mothers-that-weren't and a reminder that it's a woman's sacred responsibility to decide which children are born and which are not. Our wombs are the gateway through which life passes and sometimes we have to say 'no' and keep that door shut. It took me nearly a year to completely put aside my grief and feelings of guilt over all of it and I was only able to do so when I approached my feelings in a spiritual context; first in November with Amanda through our first ceremony (thanks again to everyone who sent love and support!) and then finally in February at ceremonies in Wisconsin.

Has Paganism and witchcraft been a profound experience and changed my life? Hell yes.