C is for Change

Over the years I've been an open Pagan I've been in three different circles, plus a mentor-student and student-mentor relationship. My first group's leaders were the same age I am now, putting things together on thier own, from their own hearts and minds as best they could. That circle ultimately fell apart due to infighting though I managed to come out relatively unscathed (except for maybe my deep skepticism and high walls when it comes to letting new Pagans in to my own inner barriers). Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

After that, I kept on as a weekly student with my teacher and mentor Amanda for years, until she went away to get her Masters degree. She taught me the importance of academic rigour and figuring out sources, and of myth. We spent a lot of time on Campbell and because of her I journal to this day. When she came back from school she was inspired by a Pagan group she'd met down south and we decided to form a Pagan association, performing public rituals and having monthly brunch. Man I miss those brunches! That was my life for the next few years, and during that time our relationship morphed from mentor/student and friends to equals and friends (though I'll always look up to her and still poke my head in for guidance now and then). I also had a student of my own during that time, for a year or two  I can't quite remember, who eventually I ran out of things to teach. One Beltane we had a little ceremony for him and he 'graduated' to walking his Path on his own, but still a part of the association.

Image copyright Kyle Cardoza

 When I came to the Island I immediately touched base with a group of local Pagans who are now my Circle. My Circle, as I'm their Priestess, though that is changing too with the move to Victoria next month. The thing that hasn't changed through all of these years and different faces is the feeling I have when I'm with 'my people'; it comes very close to family, and sometimes crosses right into it. The companionship and trust, the comraderie all comes through clear as daylight when we stand together to honour the Sacred and connect with it in a way our ancestors used to every day.

She changes everything she touches
and everything she touches changes
Changes! Touches! Everything She touches changes!

Revisiting A~Artemis

Continuing on with the Pagan Blog Project, I realized that I missed something important with A; my matron Goddess Artemis.

 

From the beginning of my Pagan journey, even before that actually, I've been interested in the Greek Gods. Their stories are as varied as the characters, and there's something very human about them. They have joys and sorrows, embarassments, failures and triumphs just like we do. Back in grade 7 I found the most amazing book of myths in my school's library with a full sized family tree in the front cover pages. I took that book out soooo many times that year and I even did my oral on some of the Greek Gods. The one who grabbed my attention most strongly and has held it since is Artemis.

Artemis is the daughter of Zues and the Titan Leto, twin older sister to Apollo, goddess of the hunt, wild places and animals, young girls, childbirth (for aiding in the delivery of her brother) and later became associated with the moon (in some places/traditions replacing Selene). She is known for her love of freedom, her skill with a bow, her virginity and her swift punishment against those who cross her (though to be fair, most of the Greek Gods are quick to punish those who cross them). She was good friends with the hunter Orion who she was tricked into killing by her brother Apollo (at least that's one version of the story), and was much loved throughout wide areas of the ancient world. Her temple was one of the Seven Wonders and someday I'm going to get there and leave an offering, even though there's only one column left standing. 

What draws me most to her is her individuality, her 'doing it my way or no way' attitude, and her insistence that she be treated as an equal to her brother Apollo and the other Gods. I wouldn't say that Artemis is a feminist, I wont presume to know her mind, but she's become an icon for some of us. Aretmis is a warrior; She doesn't look for fights but fiercely protects what's hers. She doesn't hesitate to punish those who wrong her, as I said earlier, but she can also be a helpful deity. She sided with the Trojans during their war and is known in several myths to help those abandoned or oppressed. That speaks to me as well.

When I'm looking for the strength to make the hard decisions, I look to Artemis. When I'm looking for inspiration to stand up and speak out against inequality and injustice, I let Artemis guide my words. If I knew more about the Hellenic way of doing things I'd figure out how to 'properly' honour her on a regular basis, but as it is I dont' really have any guidance. Plus, my views as a soft polytheist (all deities are reflections and part of one larger divine presence) doesn't work with hardcore Hellenic Reconstructionism. Still, it's worth investigating!

Pagan Blogging Week 2-Athame

Altar tools are one thing I think every Pagan has in common. Every tradition has their own tools for honouring Deity, directing energy, consecration, etc. In Wicca the most common tools are the chalice, pentacle, wand, and athame. When I first became Pagan I was excited by all the new stuff (shallow, I know!) and was determined to set up an altar as soon as possible. The top of one of my dressers was cleared off and I added what I could scrounge from home; an unused wineglass was my chalice, a teacup saucer was my pentacle, some plain stones were painted with elemental markings for each quarter, and various pretty semi-precious stones were added for flair. What I lacked, however, was a wand or athame. It's not like my parents had a spare dull knife just laying around, so I headed down to the mall looking for one.

The Soo isn't a big city, so the selection is limited when it comes to places to find magical tools. At the time I think the only shop in town was The Zodiac Circle, and I didnt' even know it existed. I ended up in The Keyman; they specialize in cutting keys and engraving things, including pen-knives, letter openers and mugs. The athame I bought and use to this day is actually a letter opener, and a really ugly one at that. So ugly, infact, and so rushed was the purchase that I didn't realize how ugly it was until later, that I covered the hilt in green embroidery thread and painted black what was left. Fugliest. Athame. Ever.

Every time I use it I'm reminded of the importance of taking my time and making sure I feel right about things before proceeding. It's a perfectly serviceable tool, so I wont be getting a new one any time soon (plus money is tight and I can't justify buying something like this that will put us back when I don't need too) but I really think I'm more of a wand person. I perfer the feel of wood to steel or stone, and would honestly love a staff. Until such time as my athame leaves on its own, however, it's mine for keeps.

What about you? What was your first tool? Most memorable? Wand or athame? Do they do the same thing, just differently, or should you have one of each?

Pagan Blog Project Week 1! Redecorating

 It's been a while since writing, as usual, and a lot's been happening spiritually for me. The Circle is doing well, and my experiences with the same are interesting to say the least. I'm become more adept and more comfortable with drawing down the Goddess, and with the ritual structure itself. At first I thought it was stuffy and overly formal, but now I get it. Each piece is important, and all together it makes for a whole ritual that flows beautifully from one part to the next. I still have no idea how to reconcile the part of me that wants to be a Hellenic Reconstructionist but is also a very very soft polytheist, as well as someone who honours and follows what I learned in the Ojibwe Mide lodge. This is what it really means to be an eclectic Pagan, honestly; not grabbing whatever I want from various traditions and smashing them together into various rituals, but to find a way to honour each piece and create a harmonious whole.  I once described finding Paganism as coming home, and then being welcomed in the lodge as finding my own special room in that home. Now comes the organization and decoration of that room, putting each thing just so. I'm looking forward to it.