Gods. What am I DOING out here if I'm not chasing my rainbow? What have I been doing? I've been working, I've been coasting along really, and taking care of the family, but when it comes to chasing my rainbow, it hasn't been happening. What does that even mean? It means that I want a career in a social or environmental change. It means I want to be master of my own destiny and not so fucking broke all the time. It means living my life the way I want to live it, not the way I HAVE to live it. But I haven't found a way to get that career (yet), in part because I haven't been looking that hard. There were a few opportunities I applied for but none of them panned out. I settled for the FedEx job because it was good money and safe.
Safe. I'm sick and tired of safe, but it's what's best for our family. We can't be moving every 6-12 months for work or lack thereof. We need stability. Hell, *I* need it, but the 9-5, 40 hour a week career type job isn't as common as it used to be. If I found my rainbow, this is what I'd see:
Red: Passion. I would love my job. I would love what I do and it would bring out the fierceness in my soul in the best possible way. It would speak to my warrior self and there would be honour in it.
Orange: Confidence. I would be good at my job.
Yellow: Intellect. My job would challenge my brain in a good way, stretch it to think of old things in new ways, and new things in old ways. I would know a lot about the field and finally be able to use my degree(s).
Green: Compassion. During my work my deep empathy and compassion for the earth and/or fellow humans would come into play AND IT WOULDN'T BE A BAD THING. Infact it would be central to the other facets of the job.
Blue: Voice. During work my thoughts would be heard and respected. My powers of oratory would be used for good, to inform and to sway opinion towards a more progressive bent.
Purple: Spirit. My job would not insult my Wiccan self. Being a Pagan would be an asset, in some way. Doesn't have to be central to the role, but wouldn't be a negative. I wouldn't have to hide my faith (or sexuality) at work. My job would deepen my connection to my fellow humans and the earth itself. As above, so below. We are the Universe's way of experiencing itself.
So other than joining GreenPeace, where's this rainbow? I need a sign. I need to chase my rainbow but I need to know what that IS.
It will come. I've been in a similar situation these past few years and am starting to see the beginings of my rainbow.
ReplyDeleteI had to let go and trust in the Universe. I stopped searching so hard and decided that whatever was meant to be, would happen in its own time. I gave up, the idea of knowing. I gave in to that...dark unknown. You know? I kept doing my thing-you'll always do your thing. It the part that makes you, you- but decided to move forward without so much attachment to the end result.
Colour me surprised when I started to have realizations and insights, when ideas and opportunities started coming my way. It does get clearer, you'll see.