Fear is the Dream Killer

Did the butterfly lie? No. When you're far from your dreams and your talismans it's hard to see the path you're meant to be walking. We got comfortable and I let fear of the unknown, of hardship, of another major move, get the better of me.  It's likely ruined everything; Ryan's career, my mental health, damaged my kid's health, my spirit. Winter was long and difficult. It lasted much longer than it should have, and than I'm used too. We've been here now for nearly three full seasons, much longer than I ever wanted, and it's my fault. As I watch us spin towards Summer and the death of the light I quake at the thought of another fall, another winter, in this place. Instead of the buds on the trees and crocuses giving me hope they only serve to remind me that the clock is ticking. Always and ever I'm reminded that we can't go anywhere, we can't do anything, to change our situation. I'm sitting in a gilded cage watching the storm roll closer and there's nowhere to go. Nothing to do but hope and even that, most days, is out of my reach. Prayer even seems out of my reach as I don't feel I deserve to be heard.