Last night I was on a Skype call with my postulancy group and mentors and during most of the first half, my daughter (5 months) was laying on the floor nearby, kicking her little legs, while wearing a set of sleigh bells. My hubby thought this was hiliarious, but I knew it was coming through loud and clear on the speakers to everyone else and asked him to take them off. He didn't, and the call continued. Later, near the end, the HPS present said that while we do these meetings we're to behave as if we're in ritual space, to go through the motions of the ritual (our Esbat piece) and say it to ourselves if we're not the ones actually saying it aloud. This gave me serious pause- my computer is currently housed at the kitchen table. For me to do that I'd be 'in Circle' where my kids are playing and my hubs is watching/reading something online or reading. It's a common use area. I said "I suppose I could go hide myself in my room" and the HPS said something that's really stuck with me. (I'm paraphrasing here)
She grew up in a family tradition, seeing ritual all the time and participating in it. If I want to bring my kids up Pagan, and I do, then stay in the kitchen and let them see me doing my thing.
She's absolutely right. This is my space too, and my beliefs and practises. I shouldn't feel like I have any reason at all to hide. I said to my hubs after the call was over that I didn't want him to feel like I was intruding on HIS space or anything (he's pretty agnostic) and he was fine with it. He's usually pretty fine with everything I do around the Circle, except watching the baby when I'm doing priestess work, so that didn't surprise me.
Gabe has been to a couple of rituals but he's more interested in running around or playing than participating, but Katherine has been going to them since she was just a couple of weeks old. Where I go, she goes, except the last 3 Sabbats. It's really really hard to Priestess with a baby in my arms, so she's been staying with hubs. She hasnt' missed an Esbat though. Part of why Gabe doesnt' come is I don't know how to include him; a lot of the themes and mysteries are over his head. Something more to think on; how to include my Children more in my Craft.
How do you include kids in your rituals, either your own or others? We say at the Circle kids are welcome, and they definitely are, but we haven't been making any attempt to make sure that if kids do show up with intent to participate and not just be 'around', they have a way to join in that's on their level.
I, too, found it was much easier to include them when they were itty bitty than when they became more mobile. And I understand how hard it is to focus on leading ritual when your children are running around and not interested in anything you are doing (Meditate? Be quiet? What's that? Can we have cookies yet?)
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago we ONLY did Esbats, and they were not child friendly. Mostly because I needed my time away to recharge. And then it hit me that this was not the way to pass my beliefs on to my children. How could they learn if I excluded them?
As much as I wanted to have a Spiral Scouts group, it wasn't, and still isn't, something I have the time and energy to organize.
So I started having Sabbat celebrations that were child friendly (i.e. short and fun, with food after). It was my way to compromise - Esbats are adult focused, and Sabbats are child focused.
They are a bit older now, and sometimes come to Esbats. I let them do things like help sweep or asperge the Circle, and they LOVE passing out the cakes and ale. :)
Good luck finding your balance!
"Several years ago we ONLY did Esbats, and they were not child friendly. Mostly because I needed my time away to recharge. And then it hit me that this was not the way to pass my beliefs on to my children. How could they learn if I excluded them?"
ReplyDeleteThis is where I'm finding myself, and same on the Spiral Scouts! >_< Balance, why are you so elusive? :P