The reason I started running was for me; a simple, selfish reason of getting out of the house for a while on my own and doing something that makes me stronger and healthier. Today I began week four of my couch to 5km program and while out there on the road, thinking of the women who walk for water, at least one of whom is my clan sister, I was thinking that I should do something like run for Mother Earth. And then I ran right past a gorgeous eagle feather right on the side of the road. On my way back I picked it up and gave thanks (wish I'd has some tobacco to put down) and kept thinking about my idea the whole way.
Running for a higher purpose makes sense; my first marathon is going to be the Victoria Goddess Run, which is raising money for local women's chairities. I was drawn to it for the name, that it wasn't 'just' a run, and also that I'd be in the right place at the right time. It's just over a month away now, but after that I don't know what's next. I'll keep running, keep training, but why? To what purpose? Apparently for Mother Earth. I'm going to send an email to my clan sister about this, and also to Bawdwaywedun and ask him what I should do to honour my feather, and if I'm allowed to wear it. I'm going to bring it up with me to Nanaimo today for Beltaine and at least cleanse it with my Circle. Wee!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
The Value of Home
It's been almost two years since we left Sault Ste. Marie and our first, and last, real home. The house on Moody St was ours for four years and a bit; We moved in when I was pregnant with Gabe, we brought him home from the hospital to that house, I planted my first gardens there that were really my own and grew my own food. We couldn't always make the rent though, or ever pay the oil bill, but dammit it was ours. At least, that's how it felt. In reality it belonged to my inlaws; they bought it for us to live in so we wouldn't have to struggle like they did when they were young.
Here we are, nearly two years later, and while we can pay the rent and other bills so technically we're doing better, some things are worse. Nowhere feels like home. The house on Country Club, the apartment after that, and now this place, nothing really comes close except Country Club which is remembered almost like a dream-the gorgeous sunny kitchen, the sundeck, the extra space, the view of Departure Bay... I haven't really unpacked in two years; there are no curtains on the windows, no pictures on the walls, no garden or yard to enjoy. There are no family dinners, no casual visits, no neices or nephews to play with or cousins for Gabe, no going to camp.
It feels like since we left Country Club, when everything fell apart out here, I've been looking back. I've done my best to make each place we go to feel like a home, but it hasn't-they've just been places we've lived. It's the little things, like curtains and pictures, but more than that, it's the feeling of belonging and ownership. Though we were renting back in the Sault, it was our place because it was family. Chris and Leslie never once made us feel like we were tenants.
What is a home? It's more than curtains and pictures on the wall; it's memories and the people who help you make them. I don't know if we can make a home here in BC even if we made enough money to afford a decent place. With Kevin gone, our last link to Ontario has been missing and it's been hurting ever since.
Hestia of the Hearth, hear my prayer; guide me home, wherever that may be. I am lost, facing a road with many splits. With your guidance I will choose the right Path. Let my feet find the way to bring my family peace and joy. We are weary of travel but I feel that another move is inevitable. Let it be the last one, let it be the best one. Blessed be.
Here we are, nearly two years later, and while we can pay the rent and other bills so technically we're doing better, some things are worse. Nowhere feels like home. The house on Country Club, the apartment after that, and now this place, nothing really comes close except Country Club which is remembered almost like a dream-the gorgeous sunny kitchen, the sundeck, the extra space, the view of Departure Bay... I haven't really unpacked in two years; there are no curtains on the windows, no pictures on the walls, no garden or yard to enjoy. There are no family dinners, no casual visits, no neices or nephews to play with or cousins for Gabe, no going to camp.
It feels like since we left Country Club, when everything fell apart out here, I've been looking back. I've done my best to make each place we go to feel like a home, but it hasn't-they've just been places we've lived. It's the little things, like curtains and pictures, but more than that, it's the feeling of belonging and ownership. Though we were renting back in the Sault, it was our place because it was family. Chris and Leslie never once made us feel like we were tenants.
What is a home? It's more than curtains and pictures on the wall; it's memories and the people who help you make them. I don't know if we can make a home here in BC even if we made enough money to afford a decent place. With Kevin gone, our last link to Ontario has been missing and it's been hurting ever since.
Hestia of the Hearth, hear my prayer; guide me home, wherever that may be. I am lost, facing a road with many splits. With your guidance I will choose the right Path. Let my feet find the way to bring my family peace and joy. We are weary of travel but I feel that another move is inevitable. Let it be the last one, let it be the best one. Blessed be.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Let Us Eat Cake!
Sometimes you just need a little soul-food.
5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
- 4 tablespoons flour
- 4 tablespoons sugar
- 2 tablespoons cocoa
- 1 egg
- 3 tablespoons milk
- 3 tablespoons oil
- 3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
- A small splash of vanilla extract
- 1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)
Add
dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix
well.
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract,
and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave
and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top
of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if
desired.
EAT !
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Chase the Rainbow
When I moved from the Soo to Nanaimo my mom wrote me a note to say all the things she couldn't say to my face about leaving. We're both criers, so I understand. I found that note today while looking for some little corner stickers for a photo album and it *still* brings tears to my eyes nearly 2 years later. She wishes me well and hopes things will turn out for us, but the phrase that's been ringing in my ears since I read it is "I hope you find the rainbow you've been chasing."
Gods. What am I DOING out here if I'm not chasing my rainbow? What have I been doing? I've been working, I've been coasting along really, and taking care of the family, but when it comes to chasing my rainbow, it hasn't been happening. What does that even mean? It means that I want a career in a social or environmental change. It means I want to be master of my own destiny and not so fucking broke all the time. It means living my life the way I want to live it, not the way I HAVE to live it. But I haven't found a way to get that career (yet), in part because I haven't been looking that hard. There were a few opportunities I applied for but none of them panned out. I settled for the FedEx job because it was good money and safe.
Safe. I'm sick and tired of safe, but it's what's best for our family. We can't be moving every 6-12 months for work or lack thereof. We need stability. Hell, *I* need it, but the 9-5, 40 hour a week career type job isn't as common as it used to be. If I found my rainbow, this is what I'd see:
Red: Passion. I would love my job. I would love what I do and it would bring out the fierceness in my soul in the best possible way. It would speak to my warrior self and there would be honour in it.
Orange: Confidence. I would be good at my job.
Yellow: Intellect. My job would challenge my brain in a good way, stretch it to think of old things in new ways, and new things in old ways. I would know a lot about the field and finally be able to use my degree(s).
Green: Compassion. During my work my deep empathy and compassion for the earth and/or fellow humans would come into play AND IT WOULDN'T BE A BAD THING. Infact it would be central to the other facets of the job.
Blue: Voice. During work my thoughts would be heard and respected. My powers of oratory would be used for good, to inform and to sway opinion towards a more progressive bent.
Purple: Spirit. My job would not insult my Wiccan self. Being a Pagan would be an asset, in some way. Doesn't have to be central to the role, but wouldn't be a negative. I wouldn't have to hide my faith (or sexuality) at work. My job would deepen my connection to my fellow humans and the earth itself. As above, so below. We are the Universe's way of experiencing itself.
So other than joining GreenPeace, where's this rainbow? I need a sign. I need to chase my rainbow but I need to know what that IS.
Gods. What am I DOING out here if I'm not chasing my rainbow? What have I been doing? I've been working, I've been coasting along really, and taking care of the family, but when it comes to chasing my rainbow, it hasn't been happening. What does that even mean? It means that I want a career in a social or environmental change. It means I want to be master of my own destiny and not so fucking broke all the time. It means living my life the way I want to live it, not the way I HAVE to live it. But I haven't found a way to get that career (yet), in part because I haven't been looking that hard. There were a few opportunities I applied for but none of them panned out. I settled for the FedEx job because it was good money and safe.
Safe. I'm sick and tired of safe, but it's what's best for our family. We can't be moving every 6-12 months for work or lack thereof. We need stability. Hell, *I* need it, but the 9-5, 40 hour a week career type job isn't as common as it used to be. If I found my rainbow, this is what I'd see:
Red: Passion. I would love my job. I would love what I do and it would bring out the fierceness in my soul in the best possible way. It would speak to my warrior self and there would be honour in it.
Orange: Confidence. I would be good at my job.
Yellow: Intellect. My job would challenge my brain in a good way, stretch it to think of old things in new ways, and new things in old ways. I would know a lot about the field and finally be able to use my degree(s).
Green: Compassion. During my work my deep empathy and compassion for the earth and/or fellow humans would come into play AND IT WOULDN'T BE A BAD THING. Infact it would be central to the other facets of the job.
Blue: Voice. During work my thoughts would be heard and respected. My powers of oratory would be used for good, to inform and to sway opinion towards a more progressive bent.
Purple: Spirit. My job would not insult my Wiccan self. Being a Pagan would be an asset, in some way. Doesn't have to be central to the role, but wouldn't be a negative. I wouldn't have to hide my faith (or sexuality) at work. My job would deepen my connection to my fellow humans and the earth itself. As above, so below. We are the Universe's way of experiencing itself.
So other than joining GreenPeace, where's this rainbow? I need a sign. I need to chase my rainbow but I need to know what that IS.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Magic to the People
Imagine you have the feeling you need a spell, or a ritual of some kind; maybe you're down on your luck and could use a boost in prosperity, or someone you know is sick but you don't feel comfortable praying for them (for whatever reason), or maybe you just don't know how to do these things for yourself. Imagine you could walk down the street and into a shop and find someone to help you out, someone with knowledge and experience, who will gladly do it for you.
You can help fantasy become reality by supporting Magic to the People, a real, physical shop that's being developed by Drew Jacobs, adventurer and priest of all gods, in New Orleans. Drew is in the middle of his trek from Wisconsin to Rio De Janerio in Brazil and wants to give back to the city he loves so much by creating this shop and services, even for people who can't pay. I've been following Drew's writings for a couple of years now and while I don't agree with everything he's ever said or done, this is one thing I'm behind 100 percent. If you think that Drew's goal of providing face to face magic for people who need it is a good one, head on over to his Indie Go Go space and donate a couple of bucks. If you can't right now, that's alright; there's 23 days left on the campaign and you can help by spreading the word.
You can help fantasy become reality by supporting Magic to the People, a real, physical shop that's being developed by Drew Jacobs, adventurer and priest of all gods, in New Orleans. Drew is in the middle of his trek from Wisconsin to Rio De Janerio in Brazil and wants to give back to the city he loves so much by creating this shop and services, even for people who can't pay. I've been following Drew's writings for a couple of years now and while I don't agree with everything he's ever said or done, this is one thing I'm behind 100 percent. If you think that Drew's goal of providing face to face magic for people who need it is a good one, head on over to his Indie Go Go space and donate a couple of bucks. If you can't right now, that's alright; there's 23 days left on the campaign and you can help by spreading the word.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
So there's this knighthood
A while back I noticed something new popping up on my FB feed-an ATC knighthood. I'm intrigued but I haven't 'liked' the page yet. I'm wary, honestly. The only other knighthoods I'm familiar with are the Knights Templar, and the Salvation Army. Matching faith with the sword, metaphysical or otherwise, has historically lead to a lot of death and destruction. Knighthoods are a Christian thing, a way of pushing the faith and defending it (I'm guessing from people who didn't take kindly to being forced to convert). I know that the ATC's knighthood is not going to be pushing anything because that's simply not the Wiccan way of doing things, and yes, Wicca does need defending. But a knighthood?
The ATC already is borrowing a couple of things from Christianity in order to lend itself mainstream credibility; tabernacle and church. A tabernacle is literally a dwelling place of the divine and comes from Hebrew. It's morphed in Christianity to the place where they store the body of Christ aka the communion wafers. And well, church? The word is laden with it's own baggage. From Wikipedia: A church is technically a term for a gathering of citizens in a town (origins from ancient Greek), but is commonly understood by the Christian adoption of the word as gathering of Christians in a building or structure to facilitate worship and the meeting of its members, specifically in Christianity." Many Pagans don't like the word and are uncomfortable with it. I've spoken to not a few since coming to the island and, upon hearing about the ATC and the Circle's association with it, said they were hesitant to join because of that word. We talked about this a bit one night with the Arch Priestess, Bella, and with others, and the thinking is that because Paganism, and particularly Wicca, is so new, and still so misunderstood, it's better to have that protection, that legitimacy, than not. That was the thinking 30-ish years ago, and while Wicca has come a LONG way since there, there's still a long way to go.
Another thing, for me, is the difference between 'warrior' and 'knight'. I asked my other mentor about it, the difference between the two, because I knew there WAS a difference, but I couldn't articulate it. This is what she said (posted with her permission): A knight holds loyalty to a system, to a ruler or a structure. She is bound to act a certain way in accordance with a certain code, and honor is defined by adhering to the code no matter what the circumstance. When she leads, she does so by fiat and in accordance with the law.
The warrior's loyalty is to a community or a people. Her duty is to protect those people as well as she is able. The only code of the warrior is loving service, so that circumstance may prompt actions outside the expected law, so she can't have loyalties to structures or leaders. When she leads, she does so by example.
That's it, in a nutshell. My clan is that of the warriors of the Ojibwe peoples; the marten. My names, both in Anishnabe and my secret Craft name, relate to the eagle, leader of the Bird clan. In Pathfinder and D&D, while I'm drawn to the paladin class, I've always felt the rules and oaths too confining. In my heart, I'm a warrior. My loyalty is to my community of friends and family, and to women and children who need protection and whatever loving service I can provide. I'll be watching to see what the knighthood *does*, but I'll be staying over here in the shadowy place where the forest meets the edge of the battlefield.
The ATC already is borrowing a couple of things from Christianity in order to lend itself mainstream credibility; tabernacle and church. A tabernacle is literally a dwelling place of the divine and comes from Hebrew. It's morphed in Christianity to the place where they store the body of Christ aka the communion wafers. And well, church? The word is laden with it's own baggage. From Wikipedia: A church is technically a term for a gathering of citizens in a town (origins from ancient Greek), but is commonly understood by the Christian adoption of the word as gathering of Christians in a building or structure to facilitate worship and the meeting of its members, specifically in Christianity." Many Pagans don't like the word and are uncomfortable with it. I've spoken to not a few since coming to the island and, upon hearing about the ATC and the Circle's association with it, said they were hesitant to join because of that word. We talked about this a bit one night with the Arch Priestess, Bella, and with others, and the thinking is that because Paganism, and particularly Wicca, is so new, and still so misunderstood, it's better to have that protection, that legitimacy, than not. That was the thinking 30-ish years ago, and while Wicca has come a LONG way since there, there's still a long way to go.
Another thing, for me, is the difference between 'warrior' and 'knight'. I asked my other mentor about it, the difference between the two, because I knew there WAS a difference, but I couldn't articulate it. This is what she said (posted with her permission): A knight holds loyalty to a system, to a ruler or a structure. She is bound to act a certain way in accordance with a certain code, and honor is defined by adhering to the code no matter what the circumstance. When she leads, she does so by fiat and in accordance with the law.
The warrior's loyalty is to a community or a people. Her duty is to protect those people as well as she is able. The only code of the warrior is loving service, so that circumstance may prompt actions outside the expected law, so she can't have loyalties to structures or leaders. When she leads, she does so by example.
That's it, in a nutshell. My clan is that of the warriors of the Ojibwe peoples; the marten. My names, both in Anishnabe and my secret Craft name, relate to the eagle, leader of the Bird clan. In Pathfinder and D&D, while I'm drawn to the paladin class, I've always felt the rules and oaths too confining. In my heart, I'm a warrior. My loyalty is to my community of friends and family, and to women and children who need protection and whatever loving service I can provide. I'll be watching to see what the knighthood *does*, but I'll be staying over here in the shadowy place where the forest meets the edge of the battlefield.
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