The Value of Home

It's been almost two years since we left Sault Ste. Marie and our first, and last, real home. The house on Moody St was ours for four years and a bit; We moved in when I was pregnant with Gabe, we brought him home from the hospital to that house, I planted my first gardens there that were really my own and grew my own food. We couldn't always make the rent though, or ever pay the oil bill, but dammit it was ours. At least, that's how it felt. In reality it belonged to my inlaws; they bought it for us to live in so we wouldn't have to struggle like they did when they were young.

Here we are, nearly two years later, and while we can pay the rent and other bills so technically we're doing better, some things are worse. Nowhere feels like home. The house on Country Club, the apartment after that, and now this place, nothing really comes close except Country Club which is remembered almost like a dream-the gorgeous sunny kitchen, the sundeck, the extra space, the view of Departure Bay... I haven't really unpacked in two years; there are no curtains on the windows, no pictures on the walls, no garden or yard to enjoy. There are no family dinners, no casual visits, no neices or nephews to play with or cousins for Gabe, no going to camp.

It feels like since we left Country Club, when everything fell apart out here, I've been looking back. I've done my best to make each place we go to feel like a home, but it hasn't-they've just been places we've lived. It's the little things, like curtains and pictures, but more than that, it's the feeling of belonging and ownership. Though we were renting back in the Sault, it was our place because it was family. Chris and Leslie never once made us feel like we were tenants.

What is a home? It's more than curtains and pictures on the wall; it's memories and the people who help you make them. I don't know if we can make a home here in BC even if we made enough money to afford a decent place. With Kevin gone, our last link to Ontario has been missing and it's been hurting ever since.

Hestia of the Hearth, hear my prayer; guide me home, wherever that may be. I am lost, facing a road with many splits. With your guidance I will choose the right Path. Let my feet find the way to bring my family peace and joy. We are weary of travel but I feel that another move is inevitable. Let it be the last one, let it be the best one. Blessed be.