Pagan Blog Project Week 1! Redecorating

 It's been a while since writing, as usual, and a lot's been happening spiritually for me. The Circle is doing well, and my experiences with the same are interesting to say the least. I'm become more adept and more comfortable with drawing down the Goddess, and with the ritual structure itself. At first I thought it was stuffy and overly formal, but now I get it. Each piece is important, and all together it makes for a whole ritual that flows beautifully from one part to the next. I still have no idea how to reconcile the part of me that wants to be a Hellenic Reconstructionist but is also a very very soft polytheist, as well as someone who honours and follows what I learned in the Ojibwe Mide lodge. This is what it really means to be an eclectic Pagan, honestly; not grabbing whatever I want from various traditions and smashing them together into various rituals, but to find a way to honour each piece and create a harmonious whole.  I once described finding Paganism as coming home, and then being welcomed in the lodge as finding my own special room in that home. Now comes the organization and decoration of that room, putting each thing just so. I'm looking forward to it.

Inclusion, Exclusion, Safe Spaces and Oppression

This is cut and pasted from a FB convo I had with a mentor/teacher, Rowan, a convo we had because I posted this first on my wall:

Wow. I just spent some time reading through Z. Budapests' facebook wall and now I feel like I need a shower. It's people like her who give Dianics and feminists a bad name, so focused on exclusively the woman/female she's become unbalanced and can't even see it. The 'born women only' thing at Panthea-Con is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her disgust and mistrust of transexual individuals, and her apparent complete dismissal of anything man/male in her practises disturbs me. What about BALANCE? What about EQUALITY?

The private convo began with her comment, then went on for nearly an hour and a half via FB's chat feature. Good stuff.

Rowan: I think she signifies the 'battle mentality' of certain types of feminist, who can never fully trust men as allies. For her whole life, she has considered the masculine an enemy that wants to destroy her, that she has to maintain constant vigilance against.

Like many people with old battle wounds and long wartime experience, she has become unable to see that alliances are valuable and necessary.

She often reminds me of some older, badly damaged veterans, who came home from WWII unable to see Japanese people as anything other than the enemy or came home from Vietnam seeing 'Charlie' in every Asian face.

Meeting the ATC

Well, that was interesting! I just got done hosting the head of the ATC Canada here in my livingroom. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and need a nap. Groceries are going to have to wait. It was wonderful to meet Arch Priestess Michelle, her husband and Arch Priest Eric, and the Maiden from up in Courtney-Comox, Dawn. Things are going to be moving quickly and steadily the next few months I think, and there will be more than enough to keep me busy while I'm off with Raisin.
Also, apparently, I've been 'called'. I've never felt a calling from anyone before; this is the first time I feel Artemis, or what I identify as Artemis, has spoken to me directly. It might be the combination of lack of food and the company, but when we were talking about the Spiral Scouts at the end and I half-jokingly said "Ok, looks like I'm running that!" I saw Her and She nodded and said "Yes you are." I'm not even kidding. She was standing in the distance, like on a hill with the sky behind her, nothing but clouds, in a tunic with her bow in hand. I couldn't see Her face but she had Her hands on Her hips and then one pointed at me. It happened in an instant, but it did happen. So now I know and I can get started on that. After a nap.

Powerful Dreams

The last month I've had some pretty powerful dreams; First, before going back to visit the family I dreamed about my maternal grandmother. We (the female members of her family) were waiting for her so we could all go out to dinner. We were dressed in our best, but when the stretch white limo pulled up I knew I wasn't fancy enough. Grandma stepped out wearing a fabulous 1940's movie star gown, lots of ruffles and style, with an enormous wide-brimmed hat. Both were white, as were the long gloves on her arms and roses she carried. She strolled over to us beaming a mega-watt smile, kissed us all on the cheek and gave hugs, then we went to catch the ferry to go to dinner. Some of us, however, didn't make it on the boat. I know for sure me, mom and Gramma were there, but my sister and aunts weren't. We decided to have dinner anyway.

During our visit she died. She was 94 and been fighting cancer for 3 years.

Last night I had another dream, equally vivid and ripe with meaning. I was uphill walking towards my parents house and could see the birch tree on the front lawn in full fall gold, but instead of one giant tree it was two trees with a wide space between them and branches arching together overhead. On the left it appeared that 5 trees had grown together to create one massive birch, and in the trunks I could see the shape of a griffon sitting. This griffon was different though, as it had ram's horns on it's head. I explained to the man I was with that his name was Typherion. On the right the other set of birches had grown together and created the image of a pegasus named Sahl (Sa-HALL), and together they were guarding the gate. The man asked me where the gate went and I said "Camelot, of course." We didn't go through but went instead into my parent's house. The man strongly reminded me of Brand, the Rivan Warder from the Belgariad and Mallorean series by David Eddings.

While pregnant with Gabe I was given to know that the griffon is one of his spirit guides. Perhaps the pegasus is Raisin's. I suspect Camelot, like Avalon, is a place between worlds, and represents the womb where Raisin is now, preparing to join us late this summer. The two mythical beasts are guarding the gate for hir arrival.

Spring into Change

About a month ago our HP Tanya announced she'd be stepping down due to health reasons. I volunteered to take her place as noone else did and without one, the circle can't really move forward. As of Beltaine I'll be the circle's HP, and that's only a month away. I have a lot of studying to do to get comfy with the ATC style and liturgy but it shouldn't be *too* difficult to do.

New Circle is New and I'm Old

I've recently found myself with a new circle and am facing an interesting conundrum. Their ways of doing things are very different than the way I'm used too with my old circle (who I had to leave due to a very large move), and I feel very much like I don't fit. I enjoy celebrating the turning of the Wheel with them, but when I was specifically invited to join the postulancy program and go through initiation, I was flattered but utlimately refused. "You'll make a wonderful high priestess!" I was told, and they're almost 100% right, but I'm already a high priestess, just not in their circle. I've led plenty of rituals, written more, and been part of a dynamic duo (if you'll pardon the phrase) for years before the move. Noone has ever crowned me as such, there was never a formal ceremony, but that's how I feel when I move in the circle. I'm no novice initiate, not a Maiden anymore, but a Priestess. There's no circlet on my brow or braided belt around my waist, but when I speak, the confidence is there, the assurance that I am creating sacred space, the powers hear me and the other participants respect me. The new circle is somewhere I'll gladly devote time and energy, go to potlucks and celebrate, but I wont be leading. It's not my place. Kam and Tanya are a good team but they've got a long way to go together and I don't want to get in the way of that, even though Tanya I think was really hoping I would jump in and take her place.

The Heroic Life

Drew write so well. I am becoming less afraid and more thinking that this is something I could do, that I should do.

http://roguepriest.net/2011/11/07/what-is-the-heroic-life/