Oh Canada!

Well I've moved again; this is the third one in two years. The leap from Northern Ontario to Nanaimo was the biggest, obviously, and the change in the environment both drastic and not. So much of Vancouver Island reminds me of where I'll always call Home; the long, winding roads that twist and bend through rock cuts, along vast bodies of water and swift rivers. There's very little simple laying of pavement in Canada; there's a lot of blasting and filling and driving through the land instead of over it. The Canadian Shield, the Rocky Mountains, the bogs and marshes of the Hudson's Bay lowlands, the worn near-smooth Appalachians in the East and the Tongats in the North-East make it a place you have to live WITH and not just ON. Throw in literally thousands of lakes and rivers that need to be avoided or crossed and four terrific seasons in much of the country and you have a place like no other. I grew up playing around massive white pines and sugar maples, birches and aspens, white cedars and spruce. Spring came late but that unmistakable time between April and June made up for lost time. Summer was hot sand, cool water and long starry nights at a fire next to the lake. Autumn was woodsmoke up the chimney, long golden sunsets shining on the reddest leaves anywhere and all of my years ever back to school. Winter is actually what I miss most; the deep quiet and cold of true winter. Out here it's wet and alive and hummingbirds are still around. There are flowers blooming in February! It's not winter, it's a weird wet season that's the opposite of the long dry summer.

This post is nothing but a love letter to the land I miss, and that's ok.

Lake Superior at Sand River and the Bathtub Islands

D is for Divine

As covered previously I'm a devotee of Artemis, but I wasnt' always this way. My belief in the gods has morphed over the years I've been a pagan from hard polytheist to atheist to soft polytheist, which is where I sit now. How can I be both a devotee of Artemis, a singluar Goddess of a specific pantheon, AND a soft polytheist who believes that all gods are faces of one divine unity? Easy. It's faith. It doesn't always have to make sense, though it's nice when it happens.

Soft polytheists, such as myself, see the gods and goddesses as parts of a divine whole or as part of a larger God and Goddess. Many Wiccans, probably most I would guess, fall into this catagory. The God and Goddess are *all* gods and goddesses, which is why during esbats and sabbats it's normal to invoke a specific deity and follow it with the Charge of the Goddess (or God, though that's much rarer).

Stella, Sol and Luna by Selina Fenech

 Hard polytheists often make up the Reconstructionist paths, the Celtcs, Hellenics and Heathens and Asatruar. These Pagans see the Gods and Goddesses each as individual beings, powerful and alive and actually existing. Where, I'm not sure, but Somewhere. Our prayers are heard, our offerings appreciated, and it's more of an actual relationship.

It doesn't matter to me who's 'right' in their thinking. There is no right or wrong here because it can't be empirically proven either way. Proof of the gods, outside of individual experience, is not really proof at all, so it's a moot point to try and make. I'd be happy to go to a Hellenic Reconstructionist ritual sometime, as I have a feeling that I'd be quite comfortable there, just as I'm happy to be doing what I'm doing with the Aquarian Tabernacle Church and Wicca. For me there's no division or chasm between the two 'sides'. It's a non-issue, though for some Pagans I realize it's a Big Deal. 'An it harm none, do as you will' is how I choose to act here; someone choosing to believe in the Divine in their own way is none of my business and more power to them, as long as they're not hurting themselves or anyone else.

Pagan Blogging: Children

Last night I was on a Skype call with my postulancy group and mentors and during most of the first half, my daughter (5 months) was laying on the floor nearby, kicking her little legs, while wearing a set of sleigh bells. My hubby thought this was hiliarious, but I knew it was coming through loud and clear on the speakers to everyone else and asked him to take them off. He didn't, and the call continued. Later, near the end, the HPS present said that while we do these meetings we're to behave as if we're in ritual space, to go through the motions of the ritual (our Esbat piece) and say it to ourselves if we're not the ones actually saying it aloud. This gave me serious pause- my computer is currently housed at the kitchen table. For me to do that I'd be 'in Circle' where my kids are playing and my hubs is watching/reading something online or reading. It's a common use area. I said "I suppose I could go hide myself in my room" and the HPS said something that's really stuck with me. (I'm paraphrasing here)
She grew up in a family tradition, seeing ritual all the time and participating in it. If I want to bring my kids up Pagan, and I do, then stay in the kitchen and let them see me doing my thing.

She's absolutely right. This is my space too, and my beliefs and practises. I shouldn't feel like I have any reason at all to hide. I said to my hubs after the call was over that I didn't want him to feel like I was intruding on HIS space or anything (he's pretty agnostic) and he was fine with it. He's usually pretty fine with everything I do around the Circle, except watching the baby when I'm doing priestess work, so that didn't surprise me.

Gabe has been to a couple of rituals but he's more interested in running around or playing than participating, but Katherine has been going to them since she was just a couple of weeks old. Where I go, she goes, except the last 3 Sabbats. It's really really hard to Priestess with a baby in my arms, so she's been staying with hubs. She hasnt' missed an Esbat though. Part of why Gabe doesnt' come is I don't know how to include him; a lot of the themes and mysteries are over his head. Something more to think on; how to include my Children more in my Craft.

How do you include kids in your rituals, either your own or others? We say at the Circle kids are welcome, and they definitely are, but we haven't been making any attempt to make sure that if kids do show up with intent to participate and not just be 'around', they have a way to join in that's on their level. 

C is for Change

Over the years I've been an open Pagan I've been in three different circles, plus a mentor-student and student-mentor relationship. My first group's leaders were the same age I am now, putting things together on thier own, from their own hearts and minds as best they could. That circle ultimately fell apart due to infighting though I managed to come out relatively unscathed (except for maybe my deep skepticism and high walls when it comes to letting new Pagans in to my own inner barriers). Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

After that, I kept on as a weekly student with my teacher and mentor Amanda for years, until she went away to get her Masters degree. She taught me the importance of academic rigour and figuring out sources, and of myth. We spent a lot of time on Campbell and because of her I journal to this day. When she came back from school she was inspired by a Pagan group she'd met down south and we decided to form a Pagan association, performing public rituals and having monthly brunch. Man I miss those brunches! That was my life for the next few years, and during that time our relationship morphed from mentor/student and friends to equals and friends (though I'll always look up to her and still poke my head in for guidance now and then). I also had a student of my own during that time, for a year or two  I can't quite remember, who eventually I ran out of things to teach. One Beltane we had a little ceremony for him and he 'graduated' to walking his Path on his own, but still a part of the association.

Image copyright Kyle Cardoza

 When I came to the Island I immediately touched base with a group of local Pagans who are now my Circle. My Circle, as I'm their Priestess, though that is changing too with the move to Victoria next month. The thing that hasn't changed through all of these years and different faces is the feeling I have when I'm with 'my people'; it comes very close to family, and sometimes crosses right into it. The companionship and trust, the comraderie all comes through clear as daylight when we stand together to honour the Sacred and connect with it in a way our ancestors used to every day.

She changes everything she touches
and everything she touches changes
Changes! Touches! Everything She touches changes!

Revisiting A~Artemis

Continuing on with the Pagan Blog Project, I realized that I missed something important with A; my matron Goddess Artemis.

 

From the beginning of my Pagan journey, even before that actually, I've been interested in the Greek Gods. Their stories are as varied as the characters, and there's something very human about them. They have joys and sorrows, embarassments, failures and triumphs just like we do. Back in grade 7 I found the most amazing book of myths in my school's library with a full sized family tree in the front cover pages. I took that book out soooo many times that year and I even did my oral on some of the Greek Gods. The one who grabbed my attention most strongly and has held it since is Artemis.

Artemis is the daughter of Zues and the Titan Leto, twin older sister to Apollo, goddess of the hunt, wild places and animals, young girls, childbirth (for aiding in the delivery of her brother) and later became associated with the moon (in some places/traditions replacing Selene). She is known for her love of freedom, her skill with a bow, her virginity and her swift punishment against those who cross her (though to be fair, most of the Greek Gods are quick to punish those who cross them). She was good friends with the hunter Orion who she was tricked into killing by her brother Apollo (at least that's one version of the story), and was much loved throughout wide areas of the ancient world. Her temple was one of the Seven Wonders and someday I'm going to get there and leave an offering, even though there's only one column left standing. 

What draws me most to her is her individuality, her 'doing it my way or no way' attitude, and her insistence that she be treated as an equal to her brother Apollo and the other Gods. I wouldn't say that Artemis is a feminist, I wont presume to know her mind, but she's become an icon for some of us. Aretmis is a warrior; She doesn't look for fights but fiercely protects what's hers. She doesn't hesitate to punish those who wrong her, as I said earlier, but she can also be a helpful deity. She sided with the Trojans during their war and is known in several myths to help those abandoned or oppressed. That speaks to me as well.

When I'm looking for the strength to make the hard decisions, I look to Artemis. When I'm looking for inspiration to stand up and speak out against inequality and injustice, I let Artemis guide my words. If I knew more about the Hellenic way of doing things I'd figure out how to 'properly' honour her on a regular basis, but as it is I dont' really have any guidance. Plus, my views as a soft polytheist (all deities are reflections and part of one larger divine presence) doesn't work with hardcore Hellenic Reconstructionism. Still, it's worth investigating!

Pagan Blogging Week 2-Athame

Altar tools are one thing I think every Pagan has in common. Every tradition has their own tools for honouring Deity, directing energy, consecration, etc. In Wicca the most common tools are the chalice, pentacle, wand, and athame. When I first became Pagan I was excited by all the new stuff (shallow, I know!) and was determined to set up an altar as soon as possible. The top of one of my dressers was cleared off and I added what I could scrounge from home; an unused wineglass was my chalice, a teacup saucer was my pentacle, some plain stones were painted with elemental markings for each quarter, and various pretty semi-precious stones were added for flair. What I lacked, however, was a wand or athame. It's not like my parents had a spare dull knife just laying around, so I headed down to the mall looking for one.

The Soo isn't a big city, so the selection is limited when it comes to places to find magical tools. At the time I think the only shop in town was The Zodiac Circle, and I didnt' even know it existed. I ended up in The Keyman; they specialize in cutting keys and engraving things, including pen-knives, letter openers and mugs. The athame I bought and use to this day is actually a letter opener, and a really ugly one at that. So ugly, infact, and so rushed was the purchase that I didn't realize how ugly it was until later, that I covered the hilt in green embroidery thread and painted black what was left. Fugliest. Athame. Ever.

Every time I use it I'm reminded of the importance of taking my time and making sure I feel right about things before proceeding. It's a perfectly serviceable tool, so I wont be getting a new one any time soon (plus money is tight and I can't justify buying something like this that will put us back when I don't need too) but I really think I'm more of a wand person. I perfer the feel of wood to steel or stone, and would honestly love a staff. Until such time as my athame leaves on its own, however, it's mine for keeps.

What about you? What was your first tool? Most memorable? Wand or athame? Do they do the same thing, just differently, or should you have one of each?

Pagan Blog Project Week 1! Redecorating

 It's been a while since writing, as usual, and a lot's been happening spiritually for me. The Circle is doing well, and my experiences with the same are interesting to say the least. I'm become more adept and more comfortable with drawing down the Goddess, and with the ritual structure itself. At first I thought it was stuffy and overly formal, but now I get it. Each piece is important, and all together it makes for a whole ritual that flows beautifully from one part to the next. I still have no idea how to reconcile the part of me that wants to be a Hellenic Reconstructionist but is also a very very soft polytheist, as well as someone who honours and follows what I learned in the Ojibwe Mide lodge. This is what it really means to be an eclectic Pagan, honestly; not grabbing whatever I want from various traditions and smashing them together into various rituals, but to find a way to honour each piece and create a harmonious whole.  I once described finding Paganism as coming home, and then being welcomed in the lodge as finding my own special room in that home. Now comes the organization and decoration of that room, putting each thing just so. I'm looking forward to it.